I Am So Angry, by Greg Baer, M.D. I Am So Angry, by Greg Baer, M.D.
I Am So Angry

I Am So Angry

I received the following letter from a reader:


“It seems like I get angry at lot. I get angry at other drivers for being so stupid and thoughtless, angry at my boss for not appreciating anything I do, angry at my girlfriend for never knowing what I want and for always butting in with her opinion, angry at my pastor for putting on a sweet smiling face in front of the congregation but not really caring about me personally one bit, angry at my old boss for cheating me out of a ten thousand dollar bonus, and angry at myself for letting people take advantage of me so often. It seems like I walk around irritated at somebody almost all the time, and it’s not getting better. What can I do?”


In order to be happy, what we all need most—by far—is unconditional love, or Real Love. We want to feel loved no matter what mistakes we make. We want to feel loved without having to earn it by pleasing people. When we don’t have enough Real Love, we feel painfully empty and afraid, and then it’s only natural that we reach out to whoever’s nearby to fill our emptiness and to relieve our pain. At a very tender age, we began to learn that anger is quite a useful tool in the process of achieving both these goals: filling our emptiness and relieving our pain. We all learned that when we get angry, people tend to respond more quickly and consistently to our demands. They tend to do what we want—which gives us a feeling of power—and they tend to stop hurting us, which gives us Imitation Love in yet another form: safety.


In short, we use anger—mostly unconsciously—to protect ourselves and to manipulate people for what we want, and we do that only when we are already empty and afraid, usually as a result of a lifetime of not feeling loved. As I described in the second module of the Essentials of Real Love seminar online, imagine that I’m about to take two dollars off your kitchen table and run off with it. If that’s your last two dollars, you’d be much more likely to get angry and stop me than you would if you had twenty million dollars. Your reaction to me would be determined much more by yourmy behavior. Similarly, the reason we get angry at people is much more related to how empty we are at the time than it is to what they’ve done or not done in that moment. personal financial situation than it would by


Actually, anger is astonishingly arrogant on our part. When I’m angry at you, I’m saying that whatever I want is much more important than anything you want or anything you might be doing. How could you even think about doing something that might inconvenience ME? How could you fill your own needs—focus on yourself—when MY needs aren’t all filled? You have made the unforgivable mistake of forgetting that I am the center of the universe.


That really is the message we’re communicating to people when we’re angry. No kidding. When you understand the selfishness of anger—that you’re using it to protect yourself and to get what youmake you angry—you’ll find it much more difficult to justify your anger, and without that justification, your anger will just naturally diminish. True understanding about where our anger comes from is much more effective in eliminating it than sheer will power—a New Year’s resolution, for example, or anger management. Anger management tends to work about as well as sticking a cork in a volcano. want, and that other people don’t


What we’ve discussed thus far, though, is only an intellectual step, and although it can be quite powerful, intellectual understanding alone will rarely eliminate anger for long. When you understand that anger is a natural response to a lack of Real Love, the most powerful tool for eliminating anger becomes obvious. If you will take the steps to acquire enough Real Love in your life, you will get rid of anger at its source. With enough Real Love, emptiness and fear disappear, and then there’s simply no need for anger. People who feel loved have the greatest treasure on the planet. They feel whole, complete, and safe. They have no need to get Imitation Love from others, no need to protect themselves, so anger becomes useless. When you have twenty million dollars—when you feel unconditionally loved—the loss of two dollars, or someone’s refusal to give you two dollars, becomes insignificant.


Make a commitment to devote yourself to finding and sharing Real Love. If you’ll do that, if you’ll really dive into telling people the truth about yourself and finding unconditional acceptance, you will soon discover that after a potentially difficult encounter with someone, words like this will suddenly pop into your mind: “Wow, a few weeks ago that really would have made me mad. But this time it didn’t. Something is different.” You’ll be amazed as you feel Real Love filling you up and healing old wounds. And gradually these peaceful moments will come more often and will last longer. Eventually, you’ll experience with consistency the greatest power in life—the ability to feel loved and to be loving no matter what else is going on around you. Any efforts you make toward that goal will be rewarded beyond what you can imagine. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s a lot more fun than being angry.



About Greg Baer, M.D.:

For twenty years, Greg Baer, M.D. was a highly successful surgeon, teacher, civic leader, and entrepreneur. But despite all his accomplishments, wealth, and respect, he felt empty

and unhappy. He became a drug addict and nearly committed suicide. In his subsequent search for genuine happiness, he learned some principles that have changed the lives of hundreds of thousands.


After Dr. Baer retired from one of the busiest solo ophthalmology practices in the United States, he began a new career of writing, teaching, and speaking. He has:


   • Written 16 books about relationships, marriage, and parenting. Real Love—The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships* AND Real Love in

Marriage—The Truth About Finding Genuine Happiness Now and Forever* were published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Real Love has been translated into multiple languages, with 8 books of the series published in China. Other books by Dr. Baer include:

       Real Love in Parenting—Nine Simple and Powerfully Effective Principles for Raising Happy and Responsible Children*

       Real Love in Dating—The Truth About Finding the Perfect Partner*

       Real Love in the Workplace

       Real Love and Freedom for the Soul – Eliminating the Chains of Victimhood*

       Real Love for Wise Men and Women—The Truth About Sharing Real Love

               (* Also available as Audiobooks)


   • Produced the three-CD audio series, The Truth About Love and Lies.


   • Produced the 6 DVD set (with Workbook), The Essentials of Real Love.


   • Produced the PBS television special, "Real Answers," viewed nationwide.


   • Appeared on over 1500 radio and television programs from coast to coast. Dr. Baer has a compassionate and engaging media presence, typified by the following review:

“You’ll want to listen to this program in a doorway — it’s like an earthquake!

He rocked my foundation! Greg Baer touched me deeply.

He’s got the answer to finding happiness in life.”

(Tony Trupiano, Talk America)


   • Counseled personally with thousands of individuals and couples, profoundly changing their lives with the principles and power of Real Love.


   • Conducted over 300 seminars and corporate trainings and delivered speeches to audiences across the country where he has taught the principles of Real Love.


   • Developed a comprehensive website that offers Real Love education through video coaching, webcasts, chat rooms, and much more.


Said Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager, the best selling management book of all time, Real Love is the single most powerful motivator in a leader’s toolbox. Clear and unsentimental, this book is required reading for a profitable workplace.”


Dr. Baer and his wife, Donna, are the parents of seven children and live in Rome, Georgia.


                              For more information visit: www.RealLove.com

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